


I don't want another shotgun rider beside me

by clexatrashforlife19



Series: I'm amazed by you [1]
Category: The 100
Genre: Agender, College, F/F, Gender Dysphoria, Intersex!Clarke, Lacrosse, fluff maybe? I don't know what to call it, trans!Lexa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 08:35:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6898825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clexatrashforlife19/pseuds/clexatrashforlife19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lex Woods finally meets Clarke Griffin and they may or may not quickly fall in love because hell, life's too short to deny their connection that they've always felt but because of never meeting, they never knew what they were meant to find.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I don't want another shotgun rider beside me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi hello, Austin's back with another one shot. I don't know what to do with this. I came up with the idea and it's the only thing I've written really since 307 and so I hope it's not too horrible. If enough people like it, I will write it as a series sooooo let me know? Kudos and Comments are appreciated!

“I don’t care! You don’t have to fucking live in this body; you will never understand what it’s like to wake up every morning and hate yourself!” My body is tense; the tightening in my chest threatens to constrict my heart and lungs, cutting off the oxygen to my brain. The impending panic attack encroaching quickly on me as I struggle to compose myself.

“I’m sorry. I wish I could have known when you were growing up, I would’ve never made you grow up like that.” I hear her whisper.

“Would you have, mom? Would you really? Because I think you would’ve done exactly what you’re doing now. Pretend that this is just a phase, ignore the fact that I grew up hiding behind a fake smile because how can the “perfect child” tell their parents that they aren’t their little girl? This is who I am and I need to know if you’ll be able to accept this once and for all. Or else I’m going to need to move out. I can’t continue to stay here and suffer through dad blatantly ignoring my preferred pronouns and my preference of women.” A slow ragged breath is sucked into my burning lungs. They scream at the continuous crushing sensation as my fist clench, my blunt finger nails digging into my palms.

“Alexandria-“

“ _ **DO NOT**_ , call me that. I told you, I go by Lex now. I’m giving you one week to decide.” I turn my back to her, to my own mother, to the woman who raised me. I can practically hear her heart shatter as I close myself off from her.

“If that is what you wish, I’ll speak to your father. But we love you, Ale- Lex. We really do.” With that she leaves my room, softly closing the door behind her.

Grabbing my lacrosse stick and bag, I hop out of window. Reaching down I tug at the edge of my binder so I can pull the t-shirt off and throw it in the back with the bag. Quickly climbing into the driver seat of my truck, I let the rumble of the diesel engine fuel the fire within me, the adrenaline that courses through my veins every time I head for the practice fields. With a hair tie I pull my wild curls into a bun, wayfarers slid over my eyes and a grey snapback on my head before rolling down the windows and letting my phone switch over to the speakers. As my playlist ends, I switch to my country one even though I’m about to pull up to the field.

_Roll, won't you come roll with me slow, fast, full speed_  
_Girl wherever sweet time takes us_  
_Hang, with me down this old road_  
_Only god knows where we'll go_

That’s when I see her. Her blonde hair in a tight french braid; she is dressed head to literal toe in Maryland University gear. From the sports bra, to lacrosse jersey with the Natty Boh guy as the logo wearing a snapback backwards with “Natty Broh’s” underneath it, her lacrosse shorts with matching spandex, the tall socks and matching cleats. She’s a Maryland lacrosse frat boy.

As I pull up to the field, I shut off the truck before hopping out to grab my gear. She stops her drills as I make my way over to her. I take in her exquisite blue eyes, the beauty mark on the left side of her upper lip and her curvy but toned stomach exposed by the jersey. I take notice of her MDU women’s lacrosse team duffle bag on the ground by the small water cooler.

“Uh hi?” She twirls her stick, letting the ball fall out of the pocket. As she goes to catch it, I reach out with my own and scoop it up. My mouth instinctively twitches into a small smirk as she raises an eyebrow at me.

“You’re on my field.” I snark.

“I don’t see your name on it.” Her hand goes to her hip as she watches me intently.

“Actually,” Jogging over to the goal, with a swift flick of my stick I send the ball soaring into the net. Leaning up against it I point to the initials “L.W.” etched into the pole. “Technically, my name is on it.”

She scoops up the ball, turning her back to me before sinking a behind the back shot. So you wanna play it like that, huh?”

“How about a scrimmage?” I question, letting my eyes rake over her body. She’s gorgeous. The way she holds herself screams confidence but I recognize the way she subtly crosses her arms across her chest, almost as if she’s concealing, burying her insecurities. It’s all a front, one I recognize from years of practice.

“Fine. But each goal equals a question. Deal?” Blue meet green and I feel my walls dissolve into mush as I take in her playful grin.

“Deal. Which goal do you want?” She points to the far end of the field.

“That one.” Nodding, I go to set my phone down on my bag and see her take off down the field before sinking the shot.

“That’s one point for me.” She cheekily grins.

“That’s not fair! I wasn’t ready!” Yelling, I sprint to where she stands, the ball still in the goal.

“I never said I played fair, Woods.”

“How do you know my last name?”

“I’ve gone to school with you for years and we play for UMD.”

“No, there’s no way. I would’ve recognized you before now, I mean your eyes are unforgettable.” _Shit_.

“Unforgettable, huh?” A smug look crosses her face before stepping into my space. “Let’s go, Woods. I wanna dominate your ass on this field.” She jogs out to mid field, waiting on me to grab the ball.

“You can dominate my ass in bed too.” I cough out, thanking the gods she’s far enough away not to hear the remark. With a swift scoop, I cradle the ball in the pocket as I dash down the field towards my own goal. Side-stepping around the blonde, I take my chance at a long shot. I hear her breath hitch as the ball sinks into the goal.

“Show off.” She scoffs, bumping my shoulder as she passes me to retrieve the ball.

“You’re just upset that we’re now tied. That’s a question each.” I remark.

“We’ll sit and answer them but the first person to ten wins.”

“Deal. Let’s play…”

“What?”

“I don’t know your name.”

“Clarke. Call me Griffin.”

“Pleasure, Griffin.”

“Anytime, Woods.”

“Do you want some music to play to?” I question, jerking my head slightly towards my truck. A nod of confirmation has me climbing back into my truck to turn the music on. I search through my Spotify playlists trying to find the perfect song as my eyes land on it.

_Take off those heels,_  
_lay on my bed_  
_whisper dirty secrets while I’m pullin’ on your hair_  
_poison in our veins but we don’t even care._

Her lips curve up in a smirk as her brain registers what song this is. Invading her space, I press up behind her.

“Let’s do this, Griffin.” She takes a deep breath before pushing off of me.

“Watch yourself, Woods. Don’t need you gettin’ any ideas.”

“Yeah, okay. Play the damn game.” The smirk is wiped from my face as Clarke brushes past me. I chase after her, refraining from checking since we don’t have gear on. She abruptly stops, spinning on her heel as she goes behind my back. I twist trying to follow her move but she already made the shot. Her blonde hair shines in the setting sun, her eyes shining as bright as her smile.

“You’re holding out on me, love. I’ve watched you play; you’re the team captain of the mens lacrosse team for a reason. Lex Woods, the only person to take every team they’ve played on to the championship of that division. Come on, don’t let me off so easy.”

“Fine, but don’t cry when you lose.”

Stepping up my game, I play more aggressive. The sun has long since set and we are battling in the light rain and stream of light from my truck’s headlights. I have 22 points versus her 21. She challenges me with every step. Her moves are quick and calculated whereas I’m a step behind her. I’m used to brute force when I’m lagging behind an opponent but with her I’m afraid to check her. Clarke can hold her own but I’d feel horrible for leaving a bruise on that beautiful body.

I’m cradling the ball as I sprint to the other end of the field after knocking the ball from her stick. In an attempt to copy her earlier back peddle move; I try to stop and spin but with the rain, the grass is muddy and slick. My feet slide out from underneath me. I don’t have time to register Clarke’s proximity until she’s slamming into me, our chests meeting with enough force to knock the air from our lungs. Landing on my back with the blonde sandwiching me to the wet earth, I groan from the force of the hit. She gasps for breath, trying to hold herself above me as not to cause further damage.

After catching our breath she tries to get up but the rain is falling harder and her foot slips, her body falling onto mine once again. I cough, the pressure from my binder is starting to cause discomfort the longer we lay here. Trying one more time she shifts her chest off of mine which causes her lower body to press into me. I gasp, grabbing her torso to keep her from moving.

“What are you-” She tries to ask but I shush her.

“Don’t move, please.” I tell her, keeping her body as still as possible. How do I explain to this insanely beautiful woman who just happens to be on top of me that her bulge is pressing into my packer that is pressing into my own core?

“Lex, can you let go of me please?” She asks as she wiggles out of my grip. I clench my jaw, biting down roughly on my lip to hold in the moan. Her eyes widen as she steps back from me.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to tell you without making it awkward…” I croak out, scrambling to my feet.

“You can’t tell anyone about this. Please?” Her blue eyes beg me.

“I won’t tell anyone but you don’t have to be ashamed, Clarke. You were born that way and that’s okay. To be honest with you, I can kind of understand what it feels like. I’m agender but I wish I was born with…that extra appendage. Instead, I’m stuck wearing this,” I grab my packer through my shorts. “S’not too bad but can be kinda uncomfortable sometimes. My ex girlfriend actually left me because I wanted one.” Quickly closing my mouth, I look away from the piercing blue stare.

She’s quiet for a bit. We stand there in the rain, looking anywhere but the other. The cool air swirls around us; it’s early March. Spring is just beginning. A new cycle of life has begun and with it, a spark. A small flickering light burning low but as time will pass, the flame will grow. The appreciation, respect and love will become a tamed fire. It warms on a damp cold night, enlightens the world in which we will share. Souls entangled in such a way that no one can deny that it’s fate. But that will come in time; for now it’s blue vs green. In sync breaths paired with beating hearts that seem to pound to the same drum. Our eyes meet. One step forward. She blinks. Another step. Her breath catches in her throat. Her mind is fighting her heart. Her soul is dragging both as they kick and scream at the other to make a decision. Sometime you must think with both in order to be happy. My hands comes up to cup her cheek; instinctively her face presses against my palm.

“How do you fight something that you know will lead to your own destruction when everything in you tells you to take the chance anyways?” Her voice is only a whisper. She’s hesitant, afraid of the consequences that could come from giving into what her hearts wants despite what her head argues.

“Sometimes we have to make choices that our head or heart won’t always agree with. They may be bad but there is always a possibility of them being a good thing for us. I think that it’s worth it. You’re worth my destruction.” Blue meet green, inches apart. The intensity of her stare burrows into me.

“And when everything is shattered, broken and burned where will you turn? When I’ve all but destroyed you completely, who will you be then? What will you do when there is nothing left but the shell of the person you used to be? You are worth so much more than what I can give you. You’re the star player for the team. You’re one of the most intelligent people in school. I could never compare to what you deserve.”

“Clarke, maybe what I deserve is someone who sees me for me. Someone who I let in to see past the rough and tough exterior. The one that I come to when I fight with my parents over my transition. The soul of someone who can warm my heart when I feel it grow cold after a long dark trudge through the trench that’s called depression. Maybe our lives are meant for more than just surviving everyday on this earth, wandering aimlessly, searching for something more than what we were handed.”

“Maybe I’m tired of hiding my attraction for you. The flutter in my stomach whenever you flash that brilliant smile when your team scores. Maybe I want to bring my dreams to a reality. Slam you up against a wall and kiss those plump lips until they are swollen and your head spins from the lack of oxygen. Maybe we deserve better than that. Maybe we deserve to feel whatever pull we have for one another. But you don’t know me and I don’t know you. I don’t know where you’re from or where you want to go. I want to see your eyes light up as you ramble on about your dreams. I want to know who you are behind this warrior exterior. I know that this attraction for you could be so much more than just purely lust. You have a beautiful mind and breath taking soul. I never thought that I’d be here with you, the Lex Woods, goofing off and actually enjoying the day without worrying about what realities I’ll face when I return home to the cold, empty house. But none of that can take away the joy I feel inside as I stand here in the rain with you.”

“I knew the moment I saw you on this field that there was something special about you. The fire within you burns brighter than anything I’ve ever seen. It draws me like moths to a flame. I’ve been going over and over in my head how I could’ve never met you before but we have. We’ve known each other our entire lives and yet our lives never intersected. I was never assigned as your lab partner, we were never on the same team in gym class, we were kept deliberately together but separated. Maybe this is life’s cruel way of telling us this was the moment we are supposed to come together.” Lacing our fingers together, I pull her flush against my chest. I revel in the feeling of her close to me.

“It’s getting late.” She speaks up a minute later. “I better get home, shower and get out of these wet clothes.” I nod, letting her pull away from the embrace. I help her gather the remaining balls and our sticks, throwing them in the bed of my truck before helping her in. After using a towel to dry off, Clarke hooks her phone up to the bluetooth before selecting a song.

  
_Roll, won’t you come roll with me slow, fast, full speed_  
_Girl wherever sweet time takes us_  
_Hang, with me down this old road_  
_Only god knows where we’ll go_  
_Don’t matter long as I’ve got your love_

I feel her scoot over to the middle of the bench. She curls her body under my arm, her head on my shoulder.

_I don’t ever want to wake up_  
_Lookin’ into someone else’s eyes_  
_Another voice calling me baby_  
_On the other end of the phone_

“This is my favorite song, ya know? I love how it’s a confession of their love and almost like soulmates. No one else could make something this simple as driving feel this amazing.” She looks up at me as she speaks, her eyes twinkling in the dim light of the cab.

“I love this song too. I was listening to it when I pulled up to the field actually. When I saw you.” I look down at her briefly before returning my eyes to the road. “I knew at that moment that there was gonna be something special about you.” She laughs quietly, pressing closer into me as we tune back into the song.

_Lay your head down on my shoulder_  
_You can fall asleep I’ll let you_  
_Dream, life ain’t nothing but a dream, don’t wanna be_  
_Cruisin’ through this dream without you_

As the chorus kicks back in, she directs me to turn left into her driveway. The house in my windshield is huge. I knew my parents were well off because of their jobs but this had to be a doctor’s home. There was no other explanation for it.

“My mom’s a surgeon and my dad was an engineer.” She explains. I catch the past tense statement but decide that right now wasn’t the time to get into a subject as sensitive as that. As we stand at her front door, gear laying in the foyer and porch light on, I take in the closeness. The shimmering blue of her eyes, the way her blonde hair falls in just the right way. She’s beautiful. Stunning. Breath taking. Every word you could ever think of to describe her would never compare.

“I should probably head home too; my mom will be worried if I’m not home soon. I had a good time playing even if it wasn’t planned. We should do this again sometime, yeah?” Clarke nods, pulling her phone from her pocket. Punching in my number, I do the same for her before returning the device to my shorts.

“Well, this is goodnight Lex. I had a nice evening too. Thank you for not running. I know we seem to be a bit different then most people and I don’t want to overwhelm you.”

“Trust me, if things were weird or uncomfortable for me, I would’ve told you.”

“Good. Cool. Okay, well. I’ll see you around?” Her voice gives away the hopefulness in the question.

“Of course, feel free to text me whenever.” I move in to kiss her cheek but backtrack quickly hoping she didn’t notice the faltering step. “Okay, goodnight Clarke.” I turn on my heel and make my way back to my truck.

“Lex, wait!” Turning around I see her rush towards me. My arms catch her easily as she reaches me. Her hands cup my face as our lips meet. Soft, sweet, a pleasant mixture of powerade and hmm maybe vanilla? Who am I kidding? She tastes like _home_.


End file.
